Can vampires get drunk?
by TwinkleMonkeysShineyPaperClips
Summary: Emmett has a weird idea, Carlisle isn't happy with it. Will it go wrong
1. Chapter 1

It was just an average night in at the Cullen's house. Carlisle thought it would be a good idea for Charlie to come over and officially meet the Cullen's as they would be family in a matter of weeks. Of course Rosalie was against the Idea; she always felt uncomfortable around humans, especially the ones that smelt good. In Charlie and Bella's case they smelt fantastic. Emmett got all his action movies ready, even though Esme did tell him that Charlie would mostly like enjoy a nice beer rather than watch an over rated movie. Alice and Jasper left for the shop to pick up a few beers. It seemed strange to both of them venturing out to a place that they very rarely visited. After their return, the family got together and waited patiently.

The door bell rang and Carlisle was there in a flash. It was strange to see just Bella standing there after expecting Charlie to be stood proudly beside her. "Charlie?" Carlisle questioned Bella welcoming her in.

"Sorry, he told me to apologise for him. He couldn't make it. The station pulled in a few drunken teenagers and Char- I mean dad was the only one available on call..."

"Oh it's fine, we can still enjoy ourselves. Edward and the rest are in the living room, go on ahead" Carlisle closed the door behind himself and followed Bella into the seating area.

"No Charlie?" Esme stood at the presence of Bella.

"No I'm afraid not Esme. Sorry, I knew you were looking forward to it"

"Oh well, at least you came" Esme said, embracing Bella in a friendly hug.

"Hey dudes, I have the most bizarre Idea..." Emmett suddenly said, gaining the Cullen's' attention.

"Oh please not another bear chase (!)" Jasper said rolling his eyes.

"No-no. Look, Charlie couldn't make it so we have all this beer just sitting here, and we have never tried beer as a vampire, so let's see if we can get drunk!" Emmett said ecstatically, looking like a child as he bounced up and down. However, he did not get the responses he expected.

"Emmett, I don't think that is wise. You could lose control of yourself if you were to become 'drunk'" Carlisle said stepping forward.

"No offence, but do you have to think the worst in all my Ideas, dad?" Emmett wined

"Well maybe if your Ideas of fun weren't so pathetically stupid Emmett, he won't" Edward interrupted.

"Look Emmett, if you wish to do so, you take responsibility of your own actions. Understood?"

"Oh yeah! Jaz, throw me a beer!" Emmett yelled. As he caught the beer Jasper threw at him, Emmett opened it quickly and downed the golden liquid in a flash. Emmett pulled a face of disgust and she consumed the alcohol.

"Nice Em?" Alice laughed at Emmett's face

"It tastes fowl..." Emmett coughed but picked up another "...Let's try another"

The Cullen's ignored Emmett's bizarre experiment and left him to himself and took a seat in the entertainment room, while Rosalie placed 'My Fair Lady' into the disc drive and turned the sound up.

"Aw, Rose, I hate musicals" Jasper whined

"Look, if this is what it takes to block out Emmett's annoying laughing then this is what we will watch" After telling Jasper this, Emmett laughter became louder and louder. After half an hour of enduring My Fair Lady, Esme got up and was about to leave to room and start some cleaning when Emmett dashed through the door and stood in front of Rosalie bouncing up and down

"Hey, R-r-rose, have you ever thought how a chicken lays a shell? Because the baby is inside and, and it's a shell, a shell!" Emmett stuttered, everyone looking at him with an odd expression.

"What on earth are you talking about?" Rosalie shouted.

"Oh! Alice!" Emmett shouted

"What Em?" Alice sighed

"Don't get short with me Alice..." Emmett wheezed, and giggled to himself "... Why did the lobster blush? 'Cause the Sea weed!" Emmett fell to the ground rolling around in laughter as Edward looked at Carlisle in bewilderment.

"Drunk? He's drunk?" Rosalie said tutting.

"I want a go!" Jasper ran out of the room and returned with several cans of beer.

"Don't you dare Jaz!" Alice shouted

"Aw c'mon, just some fun" And with that Jasper downed three can's one after the other. Carlisle sighed in the background and said quietly, 'this isn't going to end well' and left the room with Esme under his arm.

"Choo, Choo!" Emmett shouted, imitating a train next to Bella, who was watching in hysterical laughter. Jasper suddenly stood up and walked into the wall. He yelled out in pain then turned to Alice.

"I-I-I love you. You are duh bestest best wifey in the whole, um what's it called?" Jasper paused scratching his head "Oh yeah, the world. If I had an extra arm I hug you right now and pat your head the same time. I like dogs."

"Are you saying I'm a dog?" Alice said infuriated

"No I'm saying, actually I don't know what I'm saying. Emmett my man!" Jasper ignored Alice and Jumped on Emmett knocking him into Esme's favourite glass vase, causing it to smash. Esme shouted in the distance causing the commotion the end instantly and Carlisle walked through the door.

"Know, didn't I say It wouldn't end well? Well good luck son's, your going to have to face your mother now, and I can tell you, I wouldn't want to be you right now." Carlisle smirked, ushering Rosalie, Edward, Alice and Bella out. Esme shot through the door, looking at the shattered vase on the floor. She looked up and scowled at Emmett and Jasper and shouted "That was my mothers!" Emmett couldn't keep a straight face and turned to Jasper and whispered "Oppsy daisy!" Esme moved forward with her fist and Carlisle ran in hearing Emmett's comment and pulled her back.

"Boy's, apologise" Carlisle said, frowning

"Sorry mom" Jasper said, his head hanging low, glimpsing at Emmett from the side.

"Yeah, same. Sorry Esme. I- we- Jasper can fix it" Emmett said with a smile on his face.

"You better had!" Esme shouted back then turned away leaving Carlisle with the boy's.

"Well, that went calmer than I expected…" Carlisle smiled then said "…I hope you are handy with the super glue Jasper" and walked away laughing.

"Yo, Jazz?" Emmett said snorting

"What Em?"

"Boo!"

I hope you liked it all! Please review and tell me what you think


	2. The Hangover

**Glad you liked part one****angelfromdr****. Because it cheered you up I've written part two just for you to make you feel even better. Enjoy! **

"Emm?" Jasper said, calming down and looking at Emmett from the side. Emmett snorted at his name being said then replied.

"Have you ever realised how funny my name is?"

"Emm?"

"It's like a mix between Em and ett" Emmett said, counting on his fingers.

"That's because it is Emm."

"Oh yeah. Dude that is so funny"

"Emm?" Jasper said again, waiting for Emmett to listen, but as usual, he didn't.

"Hey, when people say 'the bees knees' do they know bees don't have knees?"

"EMMETT!" Jasper screamed finally. Emmett choked then looked at Jasper. "I think we really upset Esme, bro. We should fix the vase and apologise."

"Yeah, good idea, you fix and I'll apologise" Emmett said, smirking and walked away from Jasper, leaving him to pick up the pieces and put it back together. Emmett headed for the bedroom.

…..

Emmett slowly opened his eyes and caught the bright sunshine breaking through the curtains. His eyes trailed along the beam of light until it hit a perfect figure. It was Rosalie, sitting on a chair, reading a book named "Dr Fautus". Emmett sat up slowly and Rosalie looked up and frowned.

"Hey baby, how 'bout some sugar?" Emmett said to Rosalie. Rosalie smiled, put her book down and approached Emmett. She pretended to lean in for a kiss when she whispered.

"Good idea, It might help your hangover, I'll go get some" Emmett was shocked and stood up quickly. His head banged furiously and he stumbled into the bookcase that stood next to the bad and smacked his forehead on the edge. Emmett shouted out in pain but Rosalie laughed out loud.

"And that's funny because?" Emmett said rubbing his head.

"Serves you right, Mr 'hey Rosalie chicken's lay shells!'"

"What?"

"Yeah, that's what you said. You also did an impression of a dinosaur next to Bella and you made fun of Alice's height"

"Really? Is that it?"

"Nope, you broke Esme's' mom's vase. Good luck with talking to her this morning" And with that Rosalie giggled and left the room. Emmett slowly made his was down the corridor and smacked right into Jasper.

"Dude, you look rough" Emmett said.

"Well you're not exactly the bee's knees" Jasper said laughing, and walked away.

"Bees knees?" Emmett whispered, and then followed behind. Jasper got half way down the stairs when he stopped and turned to Emmett and warned him that Esme was there then turned back and approached her.

"Hey, mom, I'm really sorry" Jasper said. Esme turned and placed a hand on Jasper's arm.

"It's in the past. Is your head hurting?"

"Yeah, bad."

"Good" Esme replied and walked away, ignoring Emmett.

"Dude, we have major suck up's due" Emmett said. "Did you fix the vase?"

"Yeah, I did. Before I hit the sack."

"Cool. Did you give it to her?"

"Yeah, last night"

"And?" Emmett said on edge.

"She said she could have made one blind folded and it would look better"

"Oh" Emmett said scratching his head.

"Don't worry, I've ordered one that looks similar, just tell her that that will have to do" Jasper said shrugging his shoulders. Emmett began tidying up as part of the 'suck up' mode, filling black bags upon black bags of rubbish that he and Jasper made the night before. It wasn't long when Emmett found a can. One can. An unopened can. He placed his fingers on the metal pully and was about to pull when suddenly it flew out of his hands.

"Are you nut's?" Jasper shouted.

"No but apparently you are!" Emmett replied.

"You want to damage even more stuff?" Jasper said picking up the can and emptying the can down the sink.

"Hey, that was the last one! Dude, mood killer!" Emmett moaned.

"Look, I think we have all had enough of your dinosaur impressions and annoying laughing for the next century!"

"Oh, say's you calling your wife a dog!" Emmett laughed

"Oh says you, the absolu… what?" Jasper said, remembering what Emmett said

"Yeah dude, you wanted to tap Alice's head if you had an extra arm" Emmett laughed.

"Oh man, that's why she wasn't in the bedroom this morning. Excuse me….ALICE? ALICE, WHERE ARE YOU? I'M SORRY!" Jasper left the room, desperately looking for Alice. Emmett turned around with a smug look on his face when he noticed another can stuffed down the side of the couch.

"Dude…" He said, "…Bring on the dinosaur"

**Hope you liked! Please review and tell me what you think **


End file.
